Thoughts

Sex a Requirement

My Early Years

I thought I would start by sharing what brought me to the lifestyle.  I had never even heard of BDSM, Dominatrix, Submissives, Power Exchanges, or anything else along those lines.    I have always felt different than other women.  I have always felt superior to the men and boys around me.  I was living in a small farm community which had little if any activities to entertain me.  My first memories of life style implications was when I was about 5.  I was watching Mighty Mouse cartoons, where the damsel was tied up and waiting for her hero to rescue her.  I didn't want to be the damsel.  I didn't want to be Mighty Mouse.  I wanted to be the bad guy and tie up the sexy little female mouse in the harem outfit.  I suppose this was the first inkling that I was bisexual also.

Growing up on the farm allowed me to train and breed horses.  I believe that is where my fascination with ropes began.  Or it might have been when I started to tie up my bratty brother when baby sitting him.  Then I could spend my evening on the phone, or taking a long hot bubble bath with no distractions.  Little brothers should learn who is in charge early.

It was on one of those nights baby sitting that I was investigating my parents room as most kids will do.  I found some very interesting reading.  It was a magazine that discussed capturing and torturing women in the most delicious ways.  I do believe the tendency for our lifestyle is linked to genetics.  I had never seen my parents in any lifestyle situations.  Both of my parents were very powerful and successful people.  I did not have the example as most girls did where the wife and mother waits on the men in her life.  I refused to accept that women should in any way have less rights or privileges than men.

I was a born rebel and had no problems speaking my mind, even when it would have been better to be silent.  I was even expelled from school for wearing pants to school.  At that time girls were only allowed to wear dresses.  It was a freezing cold day in January and the rural school bus had broken down for the second time that week.  I decided to take a stand and make a point that pants were more practical and that girls shouldn't be at the mercy of the elements just because we lacked the "Y" chromosomes.  I received a week at home for my position, but when I returned to school all of the girls were wearing pants as the outdated rule had been changed. It was my first victory over the males in my world.

During high school I started to date.  At 14, I was dating men who were 21.  Before you get all of those nasty thoughts in your head, I believed in chastity for men at that time too.  The reason I dated older men was because of their ability to go and do things I enjoyed more easily.  We might attend the theatre in Kansas City, a rock and roll concert like Ike and Tina Turner, or an evening of fine dining and dancing.  Other girls in my school were out drinking beer on some back road and getting pregnant at a very early age.  I knew as did the men I dated that they were very lucky just to have my company. 

I was very bored with high school and left after only 3 years.  I wasn't allowed to take the shop classes I desire because they were only for boys.  I had taken 4 credits in all of the basics such as Math, English, History, and Social Studies.  I wasn't granted a high school diploma as Missouri had a rule that you had to attend 3 1/2 years to graduate.  Instead I took entrance  Exams at several colleges and Universities and was accepted by them all.

So as you can see by my brief early years I was a budding Dominatrix as long as I can remember.  I will leave the college years for my next entry.  I'm sure you will find them both exciting and humorous. 

Vanilla, NOT!

I like to think of the next years of my life as my most vanilla years.  This is the time I met my first husband.  I was new in town and he requested that I come and drive his hay truck while he and his crew loaded the hay.  After finding out that I would receive a wage above minimum, I agreed to come to work for him for the summer.  It wasn't until a week later that I had found out that each of the men on his crew had volunteered to give up part of their wages so he could hire me onto the crew.  They had all seen me out mowing the yard and decided that the view would be worth the cut in pay.  Of course I thought them all sweet and made sure they could see me in my bikini as I stretched out in the sun between loads.   I certainly had a great tan that summer.  I have always enjoyed the power I held over men. 

I married the boss and went off to college.  My student husband made money during the school year by playing pool.  Between studying he would practice against me to keep in form.  I learned a lot about shooting pool from him and I thank him for that. 

A couple of years later I decided I became bored with the housewife role, and wanted more time to explore the world.  We decided to end our marriage and I went hitch hiking around the US for a couple of years.  I was much like Maggie May from the Rod Stewart song as I made my living from playing pool.  In the early 70s it was rare that you saw a woman that could shoot good pool.  I went from town to town, playing in local small bars.  More than a few men were put in their place by my skills on the table.  Of course I always needed to be aware of being a woman alone in the world.  Growing up on a farm with all boys had also sharpened my defensive skills.  It was rare that my wit and charm wasn't enough to keep me from any problems, but when needed I had no problem using the incredible strength I had acquired doing farm work.  My skills with a pool cue were not always on the table. 

I settled in Des Moines, Iowa after meeting a trucker in West Virginia that was looking for someone to live in his home while he traveled.  He had been robbed 4 times in the last year.  I would also do errands for his elderly mother that lived next door.  I enjoyed this arrangement as he was only around two or three days every couple of weeks.  I spent my days relaxing and my nights playing pool.  It was a nice change from being on the road all of the time. 

A girl friend introduced me to my second husband.  He was a sought after catch from his high school.  He had ask me out 7 times before I finally said yes.  Immediately after our first date, he started arriving at my home before breakfast with the items to serve me breakfast in bed.  He did all of my house work and after our third date he requested he be allowed to take my laundry to the laundry mat.  I allowed him this privilege.   At the end of our first week together he ask me to marry him, and I said yes.  We were engaged for a year and then married.  We had two incredible daughters and after 21 years.  During that time we played many bedroom games and I was both the dominate and the submissive.  Our main problems came when he didn't know his place out of the bedroom.  I decided that I wanted my freedom again.  My ex is currently a Dom and we are great friends.  I believe he was a Dom all of the time during our marriage, but even Dominants want to serve me.  I had mistaken his desire to make me happy as being submissive.  I have learned much in my time with him about people in general.

I spent time dating men of various character.  That is when I learned about the life style.  I had a boyfriend tell me I was a Domme.  I had never heard that term.  I had always thought that all women teased and tormented their men in bed.  Now I understand that I was actually an extremely dominant woman.  I went straight to the computer and started to research.  I was both amazed and thrilled.  I had finally found who and what I was.  This also explained why in a society that wanted their women submissive, I had never felt comfortable.  I had spent years fighting against the tide, and now I was basking in the sunshine on the shore of this incredible land of BDSM.  I had found where I belonged and I was so excited.  I started my journey with an excitement that has only increased the more information and knowledge I gained.  

More about my journey in the lifestyle later.

My BDSM Journey

As with most things in my life, I never want to do it part way.  I want to learn to be the very best at what I do.  It is one of the traits that makes me who I am.  I started this journey alone.  Recently divorced and having given up on the males in my available dating pool, I had decided to allow my Bi side full control.  I refused to date any men and had met with an incredible butch Domme, Rose.  She became the love of my life and we started my journey of learning.  Rose had been in the lifestyle for many years and knew most of the important players in the area.  She introduced me to the local groups and groups in the surrounding states.  She then lived in Cedar Rapids and so we often met at the various groups between our two towns on weekends. 

I was like a sponge, soaking up as much information as I possibly could get.  I read constantly and I started at once to increase my fetish library.  I found out about the small group located here in Des Moines and made plans to attend my first meeting.  The meetings at that time were being held in a tattoo establishment that was owned by one of the group members.  I instantly met people that I liked and wanted to know more about.  I understood the need for secrecy as my job at that time had a morals clause.  Morals clauses are such nasty things. 

There were several men in the local group, but I just wasn't interested.  I spent a lot of time on line learning and chatting with others.  Unfortunately the online role play didn't hold much interest for me.  I know that I was able to role play well, but I received little pleasure from it.  I was also learning as a submissive, which just didn't feel good for me.  I formally joined the local DADG group's (www.dadgproductions.com)  list serve to share opinions and ask my questions.  I had written my introduction as a Domme as was busy getting to know all the others in the group.  There were about 60 at that time.  I was well on my way.  I even attended my first play party.

I had to go on a business trip to Chicago.  I had been on line at the various Chicago chat areas before.  After my business day was finished, I logged on and started to visit.  There were very few people there on line.  I quickly found out that there was a munch or group meeting happening at that time in a bar not far from my hotel.  Being the bold woman I am, I didn't hesitate to get directions.  I changed my clothes to my sexy black velvet corset and pants and called my cab.  I was nervous that someone from my group might see me leaving, but I took the chance.  I easily walked into the location and put my change on the pool table.  Thanks to my early training, I can hold my own on any table in any city.  I don't always win, but I always have fun and never lose all of the time.  That night I was in my element.  I had men that wanted to worship at my feet, Doms that wanted to get to know me better, and lots of women who were both interested and jealous of this unknown woman that was monopolizing the pool table.  Needless to say I was having a blast and getting to know a lot of people in the lifestyle. 

When it was time for the bar to close, several people ask if I wanted to join them at a BDSM club for the rest of the evening.  At that point I was ready for anything.  A nice guy offered me a lift to the Leather Rose Club and I quickly accepted.  It wasn't 5 minutes into the trip when he confided to me that he was probably one of the most sadistic people I would ever meet.  Now being so new to the lifestyle, I couldn't help but think how vulnerable I was, so far away from home, alone with a man I didn't know, and driving to a place I had never been.  Of course at that point there wasn't anything for me to do but keep chatting and try to find out more about this scary man.

We arrived all safe and sound and went into the lounge area.  I ordered a pop and started to look around at all of the action taking place around me.  Soon my sadistic friend stopped and ask me if I would like to join the private party out back, with about 50 of his closest friends.  I was on my way to my first real play party.  I didn't realize what would happen next.

I entered the large area and found a chair out of the way against a wall with the door close enough to duck out if I needed to  do that.  One of the first scenes was my sadistic friend, a wick knife, and the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.  He knew well what he was doing and I was fascinated while watching him work.  My head was screaming the whole time to get out, run, these people are crazy.  But I couldn't move.  I was looking around so fast my head was spinning and I could barely catch my breath.  Then it happened. 

I saw a man with a beautiful blond over his knee.  She was struggling so much that a friend of his had to help keep her on his knee.  He started to spank her and then he really let loose.  She screamed, cried and begged him to stop.  He paid her no heed.  Just about the time I thought she could take no more, he let her go.  She fell to the floor at his feet.  And then I saw the most tender man in the world take her in his arms and you could just see the love and devotion in her eyes.  The tender man had just beaten her to the point of exhaustion and she adored him for it.  That was it. I got it.  I understood the power exchange and the trust she had for him.  It was the most beautiful thing I had every had the fortune to observe.  From that moment on, I was totally and completely hooked.  This was where I belonged and I wanted nothing more than to have a person look at me in that total devotional way.

There was no turning back or any desire to turn back.  I was charging full speed ahead as fast as possible.  I wanted to have the skills and knowledge to be the woman that could be trusted with what a submissive had to offer.  It has made my life the happiest I have ever known possible.  More later.

Professional Years

People often ask me why I became a professional.  I guess I worked into it gradually.  When I first became active there were very few dominant women in our group.  I always felt sorry for the unattached people and would gladly play with those that ask.  It was common for me to attend events and do continuous sessions from the time the Dungeon would open until the Dungeon closed.   I used to say I would "whack them and stack them".  I would literally have a cluster of subbies sitting in a clump behind me providing each other with the aftercare they needed.  I had found in that many male subs do not wish to have after care as it tends to spoil their sub space.  Then when I would return home I found that many subs wanted my attentions and tended to want to come over every week for a session.

I had no problem seeing these sweet men weekly but after about a year it became more of a chore.  I compared it with having a friend that did electrical work.  I'm sure your friend wouldn't mind coming over and doing some electrical work on a weekend, but if you had that friend come over every week, your friendship would end shortly.  But if when your friend helped you out, you gave them a gift certificate for a nice restaurant they would be happy to come over every week.  It shows that you value what they are doing for you.  When I explained how I was feeling to these men, they immediately started bringing over gifts of candy, flowers, and gift certificates.  The next thing I knew, they started asking if they could just bring me cash instead as they didn't always have time to make a special trip to buy something.  I had no objections to cash, so that was they way I became a paid professional.  

Then in 2004 I had to quit working because of  my back.  I have a special condition that causes pain that requires me to be on medication at all times.  This made it impossible to work a regular job.  I was very lucky as my submissives helped make equipment that allowed me to still play with them and not injure my back more.  I was also lucky that a lot of my toys didn't cause me any strain while I used them.  Few people realize how much physical work a session can be for a Mistress.   I still will only take one session a day.  I hold fast to that rule because I want to make sure that each session gets the attention they deserve. 

At the end of 2004 through most of 2005, I started to work with Mistress Kimberleigh as her Web Mistress and built a web site for her.   She was a beginner and didn't have experience with all kinds of fetishes and didn't have the various types of equipment, so I started to take pictures of my sessions for her site.  After about a year Mistress Kimberleigh took over the running of her own site and I decided to create my own web site. 

So that brings us up to January of this Year.  I had many friends through the years tell me that I should put up a site so that people in the Midwest would know about me.  When I finally did, I was pleased with the response.  My site paid for itself in a few months.  What the site did most for me was allow me to list myself on several places that people go to when searching for a Professional Mistress.  This has increased the amount of sessions I have during any week.  I still see the old friends because they are just that, old friends.  They now realize my true worth and treat me accordingly. 

I am still active in the local groups.  I do my best to promote the lifestyle.  Since I am more visible, I am able to do more by way of support than most of the others.  I also train any Mistress that desires my assistance for free.  I believe that more Mistresses is a great thing.  I have no jealousy or fear that they might take business from me.  I have known for many years that I am a one of a kind woman.  Besides each person has their own likes and dislikes.  I may not be right for someone and I would want them to be able to find the Mistress they need.  There seem to be a lot of pretend Mistresses out there collecting money and not really knowing what this lifestyle is about.  That was the one down side of BDSM going more mainstream. 

So often I hear of the "bad" experiences from my submissives.  It makes me sad and it also worries me because as a Mistress you have the power to do a lot of damage if you do not know what you are doing.  I take the trust of my submissives as an honor.  I do my best to give them the respect they deserve so we can build not only a working relationship, but a friendship too.

Until my next thoughts.
 

Love Without Sex

I was ask a great question which I am going to use as the topic of my blog today. Can you have sex without love and love without sex, and how does it impact both the love and sex?

I believe that love is based on trust and intimacy. You can develop a deep intimacy if you have total trust in your partner. This type of intimacy is very rare to find. However, if found is a joy to have. Imagine being able to tell your partner anything and know that they will love you, no matter what you say. Even your deepest darkest secrets will be accepted by this partner. Your secrets can be discussed openly, with out shame and you offer your partner the same acceptance. To have the ability to talk to each other for hours on end and never grow tired of your discussions. I have this with my Rachael. People don't understand how I can be in an intimate relationship and not have sex with Rachael. Rachael was able to tell me that he was more attracted to men even when he was a young boy. He had never admitted it to himself, let alone someone else. He now knows that he is really gay and has recently been seeking sexual partners from his own sex. He couldn't believe that I accepted him for who he was and didn't judge him. How could I judge him when I myself have desires for my own sex? I know a love for my Rachael that goes deeper and is stronger than any love I have ever experienced before. The fact that it isn't based in any way on sex makes it even rarer. But the feelings are real and very strong, I love Rachael.

I now have to come to the understanding that I need to find a sexual partner. I would prefer to find a partner that I can develop the same intimacy that I have with Rachael. It isn't required because I already have that need filled by Rachael. I now need to find a lover to satisfy the sexual needs and desires that I have. It would be the best if I could find a lover that would be attracted sexually to both Rachael and me, but that isn't a requirement. I would require a feeling of trust between us for me to be comfortable having sex with this person.

I would prefer a man, simple because Rachael would be incorporated into the sessions. I would rather have a man because I can not only meet my own needs, but also Rachael's needs. I love Rachael so I therefore have a desire to make Rachael happy also. A woman would be able to satisfy my needs, but might feel threatened by having Rachael in my life. I realize that my experience with women has been limited, but so far the lesbians that I have been with, do not want to have a man in our lives. I refuse to allow anyone to try to force me to leave the man that I love, just to have a sexual partner. To me Love is more difficult to find than sex.

For myself, I would love to have both a male and a female as sexual partners. Even as I write this I feel greedy. Why can't I have both as lovers? I would be able to give them both what they desire sexually and emotionally. Why should I limit myself to one or the other? To me, Rachael is non-sexual. Rachael is just my soul mate, my emotional equal and my intimate partner. It doesn't mean that I can't develop the same type of relationship with either the man or woman lover, or both. In fact I hope to have that in my life. Most think it isn't possible to have a polygamy relationship that works. I believe it is possible. I just need to find the right people that understand total honesty and have the ability to be open to unconditional love. Only then can I have the same intimacy with my sexual partners.

I have never equated love and sex together. I have always separated sex from love. My first sexual experience was designed to be the most postive experience I could have. I selected my lover to give my virginity to because he was very experienced and softly understanding. I knew that when I told him that I was still a virgin he would be extra careful to make sure I had a positive experience. It was a fantastic first time. He made sure he didn't rush me and that I was able to experience the true pleasures of all that sex can offer. I have never regretted that I didn't give my self to some inexperienced teenager that would have been more concerned with his own sexual experience than with my first time. I didn't love my first sexual partner but I will certainly never forget him. He was Steve Black, and if he is out there, THANKS TO YOU.

I would be interested to hear if others out there have the same feelings about sex and love. Please feel free to send me your comments.
 

Sex a Requirement

Do you think that sex is a necessary object in human life? Like eating, drinking, toileting etc. is it a normal need or it's a habit or an addiction?

Poly Relationships

I often work with the local BDSM group in Des Moines, www.dadgproductions.com. Saturday night I attended a Dinner and Discussion forum for the local community. The topic for the evening was poly relationships. I thought I would take this opportunity to post what I have learned about living in a poly relationship.

I have been in a poly relationship since November 2000. At that time Chris, a dear submissive friend that I had played with multiple times, needed a place to stay for a few nights due to plumbing problems at his home. I was surprised at how pleasant it was to have him as an addition to my household, so I offered him a permanent place. I also offered him the option of being a collared submissive. He accepted the collar, which is pictured above, and started to move into my home.

Chris is a 40+ masochist. He has submissive tendencies and tries very hard to please, but at the same time is not totally submissive. This has caused me a few moments of aggravation after being with Rachael, who would never think of not doing anything I requested. I had to learn that Chris wishes to please me because it is his choice and not a blanket submission. I will still refer to Chris as my submissive since he accepted my collar.

I now had to learn how to manage my household with two submissives. I would say that it is more than twice the work of one submissive. I had to balance Rachael's needs, desires, duties and interactions with me. I had to balance Chris's needs, desires, duties and interactions with me. I also had to balance Rachael's and Chris's interactions regarding needs, desires, duties and general interactions. The latter being the most difficult part. It is usually easy for me to take care of a submissives needs, desires, and general interactions with myself. Each relationship is unique and I was able to adapt easily between how I interacted with each individual. Now I had to use my interpersonal skills to improve the relationship between Rachael and Chris.

I will share that Rachael has a 16 year old son that is not aware of our lifestyle. I am very cautious to never have any activities while he is in the house. So the explanation was that Chris had decided to live with us and should be treated like an uncle, with respect and love. The reason I mention the son is because he has reaped a great benefit from having 2 male role models. While Rachael is an academic individual, Chris is definitively a hands-on worker. The son gains the benefit of learning woodworking, home maintenance, and landscaping from Chris. His father teaches him the more cultural things such as theater, museums, and academics. He has the best of both worlds and can make his own path somewhere in the middle.

I believe there are two basic types of relationships. A relationship known as a V-type relationship is where the Dominate is involved in sexual relationships with each submissive, but the submissives are not involved sexually. A Triade relationship is where the dominate is involved sexually with both submissives and the submissivies are also sexually involved either with or without the dominate. Each has it's own problems and benefits. I can only share what I have learned from my own experience and what I have learned from others. Being a woman, I have many submissive female friends that share their feelings and experiences with me.

I have thought a lot about how best to handle the three things that I felt caused the most friction in poly relationships. These are sexual issues, jealousy, and personality conflicts. First is sex. Without a doubt there needs to be understanding and rules set about how sex is going to be handled. This was the easiest for me to address, unlike most poly relationships. I knew that due to medications, Chris had little or no sex drive. I had never been intimate with Chris, nor did I have any desire to be intimate. Rachael of course was in Chastity Training. So chastity was expected from both and sex was a non-issue for our small family.

The second biggest problem in my opinion is jealousy. Jealousy is most often associated with sexual jealousy. I feel that every aspect of a submissive's life is a possible cause of jealousy. I work hard at never comparing the two individuals. To help minimize this problem I split the work and defined the boundries so there was no overlapping activities. Neither had to depend on the other to finish some task. Rachael was responsible for all activities involving the house, except repairs. Chris was responsible for the yard care and maintenance. Richard's responsibilities included laundry and cooking, two things that Chris hated to do. Chris took over the outside work because he enjoyed it and didn't see it as a burden.

I believed that I received the greatest benefits. I now have a professionally landscaped yard and free home repairs. I can't tell you how wonderful it was when my hot water heater went out one morning before work. It was replaced by the time I returned home from work. Many things were fixed before I knew they were brokn. He has also finished my unfinished basement and has completed many wookworking projects around my house. Usually for most gifts Chris gave to me a home project such as a backyard swing, a piece of bondage equipment, or a beautiful birdhouse.

The third area of strife is personality differences. Rachael is an optomist, while Chris is a pesimist. Total opposites can have difficulty working well together. I am somewhere in the middle. Rachael rarely gets compliments on the work he has done for Chris and everyone wants to get appreciation. And since Rachael is more laid back, Chris may be a bit aggrivated that Rachael doesn't do things as fast as he desires.

Communication is very important. Being able to mediate and also to help the submissive see the other perspective is necessary. Understanding and being able to have empathy for the other person is a very valuable. Many times submissives have trouble speaking out to their dominate. I have found that to be my experience. Sometimes I have the submissive write their thoughts to me instead. This makes it easier for many submissives.

I am always available to help with advice on relationships. Please feel free to write to me and I will do my besst to help you work through your problems. Keep in mind, that you may not enjoy what I have to tell you, but it will be from my heart and as honest as I can be with you.

My poly relationships have been a blessing in my life. I hope you are as successful.
 

Living a 24/7 Lifestyle

Living in a full time BDSM relationship is nothing like the books you read. I always find it funny when I receive a request from a submissive to join my household so they can be naked at my feet for the rest of his life. Now I'm not saying that this isn't possible from time to time, but I can't imagine it happening in the middle of Iowa every day all day long. There are just too many times you have to interact with the real vanilla world for that to be practical. We all long for the days when our lifestyle will be acknowledged as normal and appropriate for some people. So you can better understand what a day in our lives is like, I have decided to tell you more about our mundane existence in our day to day reality.

A normal day in our home starts with Rachael in vanilla dress transporting his son to school. He stops on the way home to do the grocery shopping for the day. Upon returning home, Rachael dresses in a full maid uniform. Rachael puts on the blue uniform if he is going to be doing heavy duty cleaning and the black formal uniform if he is going to be doing light housework for the day. Rachael then prepares my breakfast and serves it to my on a tray with a fresh flower by 10 o'clock. On the days Rachael makes medical appointments, he also does the shopping for home repair and does not put on his maid uniform. He also wears vanilla attire when I have a session where he is required to open the door, or other activities that force him to be away from the house.

Rachael is always working while in his uniform. I was greatly surprised by the change in attitude and behavior when Rachael is wearing his uniform. While wearing his uniform Rachael is more focused and also harder working. Out of uniform Rachael is easily distracted from his household chores. Rachael tries to behave, but after all he is still a typical man at heart. He could easily spend his days on the couch watching TV if I wasn't there to make sure he is useful.

My part of the relationship is a supervisory role most of the time. I do not wish to own a slave, which I would have to give directions for every thought in their head. I want and needed a person that would be fully functioning with or without my presence. I desire to spend my life in the pursuit of higher goals. I take pride in being an honorable woman. I desire to give of my time to others either in a training capacity or as a mentor. This lifestyle has given me so much happiness and I only wish to allow other to experience what I have found.

Rachael plans all the meals, unless I request something special. He knows my likes and dislikes very well. Rachael is also in charge of the mundane payment of bills. Of course he pays most of the bills on line so that he doesn't have to leave the house. Each day Rachael works hard to please me. Unfortunately there is always something that isn't perfect. Because of this, Rachael is punished each week on Friday. Rachael is positioned in the basement; arms chained facing the wall with his feet chained to a spreader bar. He is then given a through beating. He always feels so much better after his punishment. Rachael knows that I punish him because he needs it and to assist him in knowing his place in my home and in the world. Rachael also knows that I allow him to be the sissy maid he desires. Most Fridays, Rachael confesses his undying love and devotion to me after his punishment. Of course this makes us both feel uplifted. Rachael is now ready to face another week of his life as a sissy maid with new resolve and acceptance.

I do not humiliate Rachael while he is working. I realize the difference between normal every day life and having a humiliation session with Rachael. If I were to humiliate Rachael daily while he is working, he would not be able to take this life style for any length of time. This is a common mistake made by people who desire 24/7 relationships. Being able to live the normal boring 24/7 lifestyle while also enjoying periodic sessions requires balancing both the good and the bad life has to offer in equal doses. Daily living is enhanced by knowing how to maintain a healthy mental state and not allowing the relationship to become abusive. No one could be mentally healthy if they were constantly humiliated non stop. The humiliation would loose it's effectiveness as a sense of pleasure and the submissive's self esteem not be able to stay intact.

I need to maintain balance in Rachael’s life by making sure he knows that he is deeply cared for by his Mistress. This allows the trust and devotion Rachael feels toward me to increase so that when I do have a have a session with Rachael, he is able to fully enjoy what I can give to him. One aspect in this area is never using the same words to reprimand Rachael during his normal day that I would use in a session. It helps Rachael keep full time 24/7 life and a session in perspective. It is my responsibility as a dominant to make sure Rachael knows that he is respected and appreciated as a good submissive. I try to give praise when ever Rachael has earned it.

I know this is a difficult concept to get down on paper, but I hope that this will help you understand the difference between a great 24/7 BDSM lifestyle and being in an abusive relationship. Both people should be able to enjoy the experience filled with good positive feelings.

Take care until I write again. All comments are appreciated.  Bye for now.
 

Dom, Sub or Switch

My philosophy of the BDSM life style is that each person has both submissive and dominant feelings. How much of these feelings helps them define their role in the lifestyle. All participants of BDSM can be placed on a line that is somewhere between complete submissive and complete dominant. Those people that are more toward the dominant side are happiest when they are in a dominant role. The same is true of those people more toward the submissive side are happiest when in a more submissive role.

Bad Times in BDSM

I want to talk about the dynamic of BDSM when life hits you with more than you can handle.  I recently had an awakening of sorts.  Rachael had taken on a very heavy load lately.  He is working a full time job with over time often.  He is also taking his Masters class.  When you consider he is the only one doing the house work, cooking, laundry, and errands you can see the poor sissy is over whelmed.  Each of his projects are enough for most people full time.  However, Rachael is managing to juggle all of them at once.  He rarely gets more than 4 hours sleep and is exhausted all of the time. 

I am a very reasonable Domme, so I do my best to make his life easier.  I had allowed him to "forget" many of the daily activities he was performing for me.  I had held my tongue when the house wasn't up to MY standards.  I of course wasn't providing the structured play time that Rachael loved because there just aren't enough hours in the day.  Also I have had a bad spell of health and I really didn't have that much energy.  I of course was still having my sessions with my other submissives, but I allowed Richard to spend his time on different activities.  I'm sure you all understand the reasoning behind this.  I may be a sadistic woman, but I do love my Rachael and want his life to be the best possible.  That is where I was wrong.

I am not sure why, but I forgot that a true BDSM lifestyle is required for us both to be happy.  My being easy on Rachael was doing more to depress him than to help him.  I am sure he didn't realize it either.  A couple of times he even said he didn't feel like playing because he was depressed.  I didn't force the issue because we all know if you aren't in the mood, then you won't have much fun.  I want Rachael to be happy and for his life to be as fun as possible.

I was out reading a dear submissive friend's blog.  She is plagued with medical problems that has kept her from being able to play with her Master also.  She wrote how she wished he would find other rules that she might follow and to be sure she followed them because being a good submissive was what kept her head in a good place as she battled the vanilla world.  I had forgotten that our BDSM life is very important to us both.  I do feel it is my responsibility to make sure the BDSM is incorporated in our lives.  So now when I don't feel like I should burden sweet Rachael with a BDSM task or punishment.  I have to remember that our lifestyle isn't a burden, but a reward.  When times are the toughest for us, that is when I need to make sure he has some BDSM to focus his mind. 

Here are some of the new things I am going to implement.  In Rachael's job he sweats and wearing a bra to work is impossible.  Hence he has gradually let go of wearing a bra all together.  I plan on insisting that he start wearing a bra when ever not at work.  This will keep his sissy side much happier.  I will be forcing his weekly spankings to begin so that he can be more focused during the week  Rachael will be starting to do the nightly routine to pamper me again.  This is important for us both.  

You will also see more of Rachael having milkings by himself.  I don't have the ability to be with Rachael for the whole time in my dungeon.  I will however be using my phone with an ear piece to give him directions while he is performing the required procedure.  He was so pleased when he was allowed to go do a milking last week.  Of course I was in too much pain to accompany him.  When I saw the videos I was so impressed and I loved seeing him in his maid's uniform again.  He hasn't been able to wear it daily because of so many appointments to doctors and other things that wouldn't work to have him dressed.  Unfortunately for Rachael, he will never pass as a woman.  No matter how hard he tries.

I have also become bored with the quality of lovers that I have encountered lately.  Why is it that so many men are such poor lovers?  I need a real man to take care of that aspect.  Since I have stopped seeing other men lately out of frustration, poor Rachael isn't getting any cock to suck.  I know that he misses that a great deal.  He also hasn't been able to clean me out, a job that he loved.  I don't think I am ready to start the dating process again right now.  I will however make sure that Rachael stays in practice by having regular strapon sessions.  Even if I am not able to take Rachael anally due to my pain, I certainly will be able to have him practice on my beautiful strapon cock, for an hour or so.

So you can see my awakening will make our Vanilla struggles much less.  I will keep you posted and hopefully it won't be so long until my next post.  I hope that all of your worlds are running smoothly.  I do enjoy the many e-mails that I get about my writings. 
 

Cleaning Schedule

First let me tell you that Rachael has become my slave and not just my sissy maid.  I will write more about that later.  One of the things that has changed is the implementation of work sheets.  I have assigned a room to be cleaned each day besides the normal daily things.  This room is then cleaned from ceiling to floor.  I thought it might help others out there to see what is done on a daily basis here at my home so they can better serve there mistress.  However I have left one day free for the submissive to spend the day pampering me after his weekly beating.  I find that after the beating, he needs to focus on making me happy so he can overcome the intense anger that is natural.  Here are the days as follows Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Enjoy. 
 

Thunder in the Mountains 2009

I just returned from an incredible journey to Thunder in the Mountains, an annual event in Denver, Colorado.  The event started on Friday with our check in and first shopping trip.  Unfortunately I didn't find much to purchase.  I did manage to pick up a few things that helped make my dungeon more efficient, but nothing new to play with my subbie boys.  Friday evening was the Meet & Greet Party.  I did meet many new people that I would see the rest of the weekend at the various things.  This was the first time I have traveled to an event in many years.  Because of my back, I wasn't able to be as involved as I wanted to be.  My classes had to be limited.  I wasn't aware of the great distance I would have to walk to the meet and greet so by the time I walked back to the dungeon area, I wasn't able to do more than go home.  Walking long distances causes my back to freak out and the pain was such that I had to call it a night early.
 

I attended several classes.  The first class on Saturday morning I attended was "Breaking the Sound Barrier - An Exploration of Female Sounding" thought by Dex.  It was incredible and I can't wait to have some women over to attempt my first soundings.  I will even be doing some soundings on myself, as I spoke to his assistant and she has been doing soundings on herself for many years.  There were some technical difficulties at the beginning, but Dex was able to work around the problems.  He is an excellent presenter and I would rate this class as a must see.

The second class of the day was "Decorative Bloodsports" taught by Lolita Wolf.  I enjoyed the beautiful work that Lolita did, but unfortunately didn't learn anything new in this class, as I have been decorating my subs for many years.  I was able to enjoy Lolita's style as she is an excellent presenter.  I also was able to share some of the scenes that I had done in the past that were successful.  At one point Lolita did ask why I was in the class when I could have been teaching it.  LOL  It was fun, just not as informative.  But I would take a class from Lolita again if I got the chance.

Rachael saw two different classes on Saturday and raved about them both.  The first was "Hair Bondage" by Scott Smith and the second was "The Joy of Cunt Play - How to Make a Woman Scream" by Olga and blu.  Rachael gained a lot of knowledge which he has shared with me.  I look forward to trying some of both techniques.  Rachael did insist I take a class from Olga and blue so he could introduce me.  I was so glad he did, but that will be explained later.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to attend the play party that night.  I did use my wheelchair to attend the classes, but after a full day of classes and shopping, it was time to put my back to bed for the night.  I would have loved to show off in the dungeon, but I would rather learn from my classes than miss those to play.  I have the opportunity to play all of the time at home.  Rachael took great care of me and make sure I was comfortable as soon as possible.

Sunday started out with a great class on "Needle & Hook Bondage" by Fifth Angel.  His wife was the model for the demonstration and the great love between them was an incredible sight.  I can't wait to put my pet Steven to the test of the needle.  It will be an incredible scene.

Next was the class "The Art of the Bite" given by Sir Oliver and his pup Sparky.  It was a very informative class and also the laughter was often and well deserved.  I learned a lot and look forward to putting into practice the many new techniques I learned from this class.

After lunch was a class on "Vaginal Fisting" by Olga and blu.  I have fisted many women and men for that matter, but I wanted to watch a presentation by Olga and blue.  I was very glad I did.  I did learn some interesting information about fisting that I wasn't aware of before.  But the best part was when I was able to meet Olga after class.  She told me about the event she and blu sponsor every year in June.  It is called Desire Leather women Unleashed.  It certainly is on my agenda for next year.

I had a great time in Denver, but I am certainly glad to be back home.  Now I get to put into practice all of the great things I learned. I am also looking forward to my next trip to Lincoln Nebraska.  Take care and talk to you soon.

Shadow Lane Spanking Party

I just returned from Vegas and a wonderful 4 days of spankings at the annual Shadow Lane Spanking party. I had never been to just a spanking party before. I must say that the atmosphere was a lot different than I have ever experienced before. The people were from all over the world, fun, intelligent, and very nice. We had 2 floors of the resort reserved just for us. You could hear the whacks and smacks as you passed up and down the halls with the little yelps and cries to stop. It was absolutely delightful. Most of the action did take place behind closed doors, but not all. I was delighted to spank the lovely little girl Jenny Mack before the whole dinner group. Her ma'am, Miss Chris was dressed in her full Victorian finest and Jenny was in her Victorian little girl dress.  I met the adorable Ms. Margaret Davis and her husband Tom from her Spanking Club of New York (SCONY). I do hope to visit them one day soon. There was a fantastic vendor fair with Ian from London Tanners there to show us his fantastic leather products. I did well in the casino that day and spent all of my $170 winnings of the day at his booth.  I can't wait to show you all my new straps and quirts.

There was a formal dinner and dancing which was so much fun. I met people from everywhere and made lots of new friends. I attended the naughty boys detention center Saturday morning. About 25 naughty boys showed up for detention and 8 Teachers and Head Mistresses were there to deal out their punishments.  I'm sure I disciplined at least 7 boys in the 2 hours I was there.  Such a fun and gratifying experience.  All had nice shinny red bottoms and a few had noticeable bruises before we left.

There were also several suite parties scattered through out the day and evenings. Some people stayed up all night long and managed with naps in the afternoon before starting the whole process over again the next night. I must say that by Sunday night it was starting to become difficult to find a bottom that wasn't well bruised all over.  It made it a game in itself to find and mark the little space that was left on a bruised bottom.  There were lots of switches and they certainly had their time full between dishing out punishments and receiving them.  Most were sitting pretty lightly by Dinner Sunday evening.

What I found the most interesting was that no security was needed or dungeon monitors either.  The people monitored themselves.  There was drinking, but people were also responsible about their drinking.  Since it was just spanking the drinking wasn't such an issue.  All in all it was very different than what I'm used to experiencing, but also it was fantastic.

I was most pleased to meet some members from this group there. They had seen that I would be attending the event and had come to meet me in person.  I was very flattered and pleased to meet them.  I must admit that I played with so many bare bottoms, that I can't remember if I played with theirs or not.  I basically was able to play with just about everyone that wanted to play with me.  So if they were bold enough to step up and ask, they got their bottom whacked.  Because of my back condition I wasn't able to attend the partied on Friday evening, but I certainly made up for it on Saturday.

I have decided to start up a formal spanking only group in this area.  I will be posting more news on this a bit later after I have caught back up on my sleep.  I look forward to seeing you all very soon.  If you get the chance to attend a Shadow Lane Party in the future, you should certainly take advantage of it.